For All Of This
by twenty3
Summary: Nick's entire world crashes down around him when he loses what matters most to him. In his despair, he has to find a way to move on and fight the pain in any way possible. But sometimes, he'd rather give up. Nick centric and team friedship.
1. Feels Like Affection

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has anything to do with CSI. Anything at the end or beginnings of chapters in italics are song lyrics, which also don't belong to me.

Summary: Nick has a wife, Chelsea, that he's been married to for ten years. They have a daughter, Jenna, who is seven. This is a Nick centric story about how he has to deal with the worst pain anyone could ever be put through and how he copes with it with the help of his friends, which at times seems to be not enough. He has to overcome obstacles within himself and within the world around him, or they'll overcome him.

* * *

Nick and Warrick sat back in the break room, watching Hodges look for his cell phone across the hall. He had asked them if they had seen it, and they had just shaken their heads, too tired and amused to get up and help the trace technician find his lost phone. After almost twenty minutes of this, Nick reluctantly took out his own phone and called Hodges in hopes that that would help the frantic tech find his phone. The two CSIs in the break room came to the conclusion that the phone wasn't in the trace lab when Hodges didn't seem to hear it ringing, but instead Nick and Warrick heard it quietly ringing from somewhere behind them.

They turned around, their eyes meeting the couch near the back wall where the ringing was coming from. It was only a few more seconds before a little head popped up from behind the couch, holding the phone up in front of her smiling face as she tried to surpress a giggle, but failed miserably.

"Daddy, don't call Hodges," she said, looking over at Nick who was still sitting at the table with Warrick.

Nick couldn't help but smile. "Why did you take his phone Jenna?"

"Greg told me to," she asnwered. "He said it would be funny, and he was right. Hang up before he hears it."

But it was too late. Hodges had heard the ringing and quickly made his way over to the break room, seeing Jenna Stokes holding the phone in her hand as she climbed over the back of the couch. Nick shut his phone, and the ringing stopped. Jenna sat on the couch with a wide smile, looking up at Hodges innocently.

"Greg told me to," she repeated to Hodges as she reached up, handing him his phone.

Hodges shook his head. "You're lucky you're a cute little kid and that your dad could kick my ass," Hodges said as he left the break room, retreating back to his lab.

Jenna was still giggling as she slid off the couch and crossed over to the table before hopping up onto Nick's lap and looking at him with a wide smile. "Greg taught me how to change the background on Hodges phone, so now it's a picture of a little white kitty," Jenna said.

Warrick laughed. "I'm sure he'll appreciate that Jen," he said. "How did you get his phone anyway?"

"He went to go get coffee and I snuck in a took it," she answered.

"You're pretty crafty for a seven-year-old," Nick said, smiling at his daughter.

"I know, but mommy said that if I steal any more cookies that she's gonna yell at you because she knows that you're the one who taught me how and always tell me to do it," Jenna said matter-of-factly.

"Well then we can just tell mommy that it's her fault she got me addicted to chocolate because I never ate it before I met her, so it's technically her fault," Nick responded.

"I'm sure that'll go over well," Warrick said sarcastically.

"It's worth a shot," Nick said with a laugh. "It's kind of my only defense."

Jenna looked at Warrick quick before turning back to her dad. "Can you leave for a second? I gotta tell Warrick a secret. You can go get us candy or something."

Nick smiled again as he lifed Jenne off his lap and put her on the table in front of Warrick. "Yeah, I can do that. I'll go find Greg too and warn him that Hodges is probably going to be seeking payback for that little phone deal," he said as he left the break room.

"Okay," Jenna said after the door had closed behind Nick and he had walked out of sight, "My mom wanted me to ask you what you think we should get for dinner for my dad's birthday. She said she doesn't care and wanted to let you make the decision."

"Well I don't care what we get either. What do you want?"

Jenna shrugged. "All me and Greg care about is the ice cream cake. Nothing else really matters to us."

Warrick laughed. "I figured as much. Why don't we let Catherine decide?"

"Why don't we let me decide what?" Catherine asked as she entered the break room, smiling upon seeing Jenna.

"What to get my dad for dinner on his birthday," Jenna answered.

"That's a good question," Catherine said. "How about chinese food? That's always a good idea because we can just get a bunch of different stuff and everyone will be happy."

Jenna and Warrick nodded in agreement. "That's a good idea, everyone likes chinese food, and everyone likes cake."

"Grissom doesn't like cake," Brass said as he entered the break room with the graveyard shift supervisor. "He'd prefer chocolate covered grasshoppers."

"But my mommy said we couldn't have those this time because they're gross and really weird," Jenna said.

"Hey," Grissom said defensively, "they're an excellent source of protein and vitamins. And they taste good because they're covered in chocolate."

"But they're bugs," Jenna replied, and that ended that argument pretty quickly.

Greg and Chelsea entered the break room at the same time, but from different doors. Jenna slid off the table upon seeing her mom and ran over to her excitedly. Greg sat down at the table in the chair next to where Jenna had been sitting, which was reoccupied by the seven-yeard-old moments later.

"How did the cell phone deal go?" Greg asked.

Jenna giggled. "Good, until my dad called Hodges' phone and I had to come out from behind the couch."

Chelsea sat across from Greg and rolled her eyes at him."Ya know, between you and Nick, Jenna's gonna turn into a convicted thief when she gets older."

"She won't get convicted of anything, she's too smart to get caught," Nick said as he stood behind his wife. "I've been looking for you for like five minutes, and of course everyone's in here while I'm wandering around the lab," Nick said to Catherine.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Archie got a positive ID off of that guy on the surveillance tapes. He's our guy."

"Good," Grissom said approvingly. "We'll have Brass bring him in and you guys can wrap it up next shift."

Nick leaned forward against Chelsea's chair. "That guy's such a dumbass for walking back and forth in front of four cameras that he knew was there. He pretty much wanted to get caught."

Jenna gasped dramatically. "Daddy, don't swear!" she scolded.

Nick rolled his eyes and laughed. "Just don't repeat anything I say, okay?"

"Mommy and Catherine tell me that all the time. I'm not supposed to say anything that comes out of you, Greg or Warrick, or uncle Jim's mouth."

Brass held up his hands. "Woah woah woah. We shouldn't be put in the same category as him. He's ten times worse than we are."

Jenna giggled again. "Yeah, but you're all funny."

"They're not funny Jenna, they're stupid boys," Chelsea said, shaking her head slightly. "Don't ever marry a stupid boy."

"Yeah, she's speaking from experience," Nick said as he went over to the counter and turned the coffee maker on. "Hey G, is you good stuff in here?"

"You make it sound like it's drugs or something," Greg said as he stood and went over to the cabinets in search of his Blue Hawaiin coffee bag.

"Might as well be," Nick said, stealing Greg's seat at the table.

"Mommy, are we still going to the mall today?" Jenna asked as she started swining her dangling legs back and forth under the table.

Chelsea nodded. "Yes we are. I thought dad had to work today, that's why I came to pick you up, but I guess Grissom's giving him the day off because he's such a nice guy."

Grissom grinned. "A nice guy who likes to eat weird bugs."

"We all have our flaws," Nick said with a shrug. "I'm glad I don't have to work because I'd be all by myself while Catherine was off shopping with you two."

"Yeah, now we get to go play video games for the next three hours while you spend a bunch of money," Warrick added.

"You're lucky we're going shopping because Jenna can beat every one of you at any game," Chelsea said, laughing slightly. "You shouldn't have taught her how to play all of them."

"Yeah," Nick agreed, "that was poor planning on our part."

Catherine looked at her watch quick, then up at Chelsea. "Alright, we better head out so we don't get stuck in traffic and can beat the rush. Vegas malls are crazy in the summer."

Chelsea nodded in agreement. "Good idea, let's go."

Jenna slid off the table, only to stand on her tippy toes and kiss her dad quickly on the cheek. "Love you daddy," she said as she rushed around the table to her mom's side.

"Love you too," Nick said with a smile as the three of them left the break room, talking excitedly about their ensuing shopping trip.

Grissom shook his head slowly. "Between those three, the mall will be out of shoes within an hour."

* * *

Nick only jumped slightly when the front door burst open and Jenna came running in, jumping on the couch next to her dad. He should have been used to that happening by now, but he still wasn't, and he still didn't mind. Chelsea followed closely behind her daughter, carrying several shopping bags. 

"Are there any more?" Nick asked, about to get up.

"Nope, we didn't get much," Chelsea answered.

"Not at all," Nick said sarcastically.

"What are you watching?" Jenna asked as she slipped under Nick's arm and cuddled up against him.

"The Godfather."

Jenna frowned. "What's that?"

"The greatest movie ever made," Nick said enthusiastically.

"And really violent," Chelsea added as she returned from putting the bags away. She flopped down on the couch next to Nick and rested her head on his shoulder, her tired eyes threatening to close. "But very good nontheless."

"How was the mall?" Nick asked, already knowing the answer.

"A lot of fun," Jenna said. "We got everything we needed, and some stuff that we didn't but we got it anyway."

Nick smiled. "I'm glad."

"How long did the boys stay?" Chelsea asked.

"Until a couple hours ago. We ordered pizza, then Greg got called to a scene and Warrick got tired of losing to me."

Chelsea laughed. "That's a first. Sorry we took so long. We got carried away at the mall, then figured we might as well waste more time until dinner and ate there."

Chelsea grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and spread it over all three of them, who snuggled into it and sank into the warm couch. Jenna sighed sleepily, content in using her dad as a pillow.

"Why don't you go sleep in your bed sweetie?" Nick suggested upon seeing Jenna's tired expression.

"Because I'm not tired," she lied, not wanting to miss out on anything.

Nick smiled as he watched Jenna's eyes slowly close, followed soon after by Chelsea's. He forgot about the movie on tv and took more enjoyment in seeing his wife and daughter sleeping peacefully on either side of him. Not long after they had drifted asleep did his own eyes flutter closed, pulling him into sleep as well.

_There's a calm surrender to the rush of day  
When the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away  
An enchanted moment, and it sees me through  
It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you  
_


	2. Not So Common

Nick had managed to pick Jenna up, carry her all the way into her room, put her in her bed, tuck her in under her sheets and begin to walk silently away before she woke up. She rubbed her sleepy eyes for a minutes before she realized where she was and that the retreating figure heading for her bedroom door was her dad. She sat up quickly, all the sleed nearly drained from her body as she braced herself up on her hands. 

"Are you going to work?" Jenna asked suddenly.

Nick stopped just before the door at the sudden voice. He was surprised Jenna had woken up, but that wore off when the question sunk in. He hated that question. Jenna would always ask him if he was leaving to go to work, and when he said yes the answer seemed to deflate her entirely. She loved that her dad had a cool job and loved everyone he worked with, but she didn't like the fact that he had to work so much and she didn't see him as much as she would have liked to. After all, she was mostly at school when he was home and he was mostly at work or at a conference when she was home.

During the summer, like it was now, was when they got to spend the most time together. But summer was almost over and Jenna would have to go back to school soon. Late August was still her favorite time of year though. She liked it because that was when her and her parents were together the most because they always made the best of whatever they had left of the summer. They'd spend a lot of time with everyone Nick worked with, whether it was at Lake Mead or at someone's house for a cook out. Jenna needed both hands to count the number of times when her and her mom had had to eat dinner by themselves while her dad was at work, solving another important case. Not that Jenna wasn't proud of what her dad did. She was always telling her teachers and schoolmates how important his job was and how she couldn't wait to grow up and do the same thing as him. But even though she was only seven-years-old, Jenna still understood how dangerous her dad's job was and she would have rathered that he could stay home more to be safer.

Nick turned around and faced Jenna, the expectant look on her face near heartbreaking. "No honey, I'm not," he said as he shook his head slowly.

Jenna smiled instantly. "Good. I can't fall asleep."

Nick wouldn't have been able to keep the smile off of his face if he had tried. "You just were asleep and woke up. You haven't even tried to go back to sleep yet."

"Yes I have," Jenna argued. "I was faking it. I can't sleep cuz I have insomnia like you do."

Nick laughed. "I don't have insomnia."

"Mommy says you do."

"And mommy's always right," Nick said sarcastically. "Okay, so if you can't sleep and I have insomnia, what should we do?"

Jenna shrugged. "I don't know. Let's play a game."

Nick nodded approvingly. "Okay, what game do you wanna play?"

"Teach me a new one," Jenna said excitedly. "All the other games get boring fast now cuz we play them so much."

"And you always win at them," Nick replied. "I can see how that can get boring." He thought for a second before coming up with a somewhat easy game that he thought Jenna would like. "Alright, I'll teach you how to play Scat."

"Is it like Go Fish?" Jenna asked.

"No. Well, not really. You'll see."

Jenna slid out of bed and followed her father into the kitchen, where they sat down at the large oak table across from one another. Nick took the deck of cards that was still in the center of the table from when Warrick and Greg had been over peviously in the day. He quickly shuffled them and dealt Jenna and himself three each before putting the rest on the table and turning one over face up.

"Okay, this is pretty simple. Remember how Warrick taught you to play poker?" Jenna nodded. "It's almost like that. You want to get numbers of the same suit that add up to a high number. Or, you can get three of the same kind of card and that equals thirty and a half."

Jenna frowned. "Why does that equal thirty and a half?"

"Because the only thing that can beat that is getting Scat, which is thirty-one. You're goal is to get as close to thirty-one as you can. When you get numbers of the same suit that add up to something high, you can knock and then the other person has one more chance to get a good card before you show your hand. When it's your turn you can either take the card that's face up on the table, or take one from the deck. But either way, you have to throw one away."

"Can I see the card in the deck before I pick which one?"

"No, that's the trick. Sometimes you gotta take a chance. Think you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it. Lets play," Jenna said enthusiastically.

Nick smiled. "Okay, you go first."

Nick was yet again amazed at how quick Jenna picked the game up. She was an unbelievably smart kid that could learn anything in just a few minutes. She was playing like she was an adult that had known how to play the game their whole life. She had beaten her dad at it more times than they could keep track of. They kept playing and playing, losing all track of time until Chelsea came into the kitchen after she got out of the shower. She took a seat next to her daughter and shook her head at the two playing cards, but was smiling ear to ear.

"Do you guys have any idea how late is it?" she asked. "You're both nuts."

"We're having fun," Jenna said. "Dad taught me how to play Scat."

"Well it's better than him teaching you how to play Rummy I guess," Chelsea said, grinning at Nick. "Are you beating him?"

"Yup," Nick said, nodding his head.

"Good girl," Chelsea said. "Deal me in so I can beat you too."

Nick just shook his head slowly as he dealt the cards. "I gotta find something I can beat you two at. This is getting a little ridiculous."

Jenna giggled. "It's not our fault you're not as good as us at it."

Nick laughed. "You've got a point there. But don't forget who taught you to steal cookies and talk your teacher's out of tests. Those are useful skills in life that you need more than playing card games, unless you're Warrick, but that's different. Cookies are very valuable."

"You've turned our daughter into a scheming cookie stealer, where's the use in that?" Chelsea said skeptically.

"She's clever and persuassive," Nick responded. "Very good traits for someone to have."

"She's gonna turn out to be just like you and be able to talk her way out of anything because she's charming and loves to argue."

Nick smiled widely at his wife. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It is a bad thing if you use it against people to get anything you want."

"It worked on you," Nick said with a smirk.

"Is that why you married him?" Jenna asked as she picked up another card before looking at her mom.

Chelsea sighed dramatically. "Yeah, unfortunately. He was so charming and sweet that there was nothing I could do. He always knew exactly what to say and do to make me fall in love with him."

Jenna raised an eyebrow slightly. "Isn't that a good thing?"

Chelsea smiled at her daughter, then at her husband. "Yeah, I guess I got lucky I snagged a good one that I actually love."

"That's the key Jen," Nick said. "Because if you don't love them, then you're just wasting your time."

"Did you ever waste your time?" Jenna asked, questions not keeping her from winning another game.

Nick shook his head. "Not on your mom."

Chelsea's smile widened and continued to look at her husband, even when he looked away to catch Jenna yawning behind her cards spread out in her hands. She thought she would get away with it, but saw her dad see her and her yawn turned into a little smile, again attemtped to be covered by the cards.

"Come on Jenna, go to bed now. It's really late," Nick said as he collected all the cards.

"Okay, I'll go to bed, but if I do, you have to promise to make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast tomorow."

Nick smiled at Jenna. "Okay, it's a deal. But you have to go to sleep now or the deal's off."

"Why?" Jenna asked.

Nick stood up from his chair. "Because if you don't, I'm gonna catch you and put you on top of the fridge again and forget you're there and eat all the pancakes without you."

Jenna giggled as she stood as well. "You can't catch me."

"Wanna bet?"

Jenne immediatly took off, racing through the kitchen and down the hall into her bedroom. Nick was right behind her and proceeded to tackle her with the covers once he got into her room. Jenna was laughing hysterically, trying her best to escape. She finally gave in, laying flat on her back, still laughing. Nick climbed out of the bed and tucker Jenna in, again, before leaning down and gently kissing her on the forhead. He brushed the smooth brown hair away from her forhead as he tired eyes slowly closed.

"Good night dad," she mumbled sleepily.

"Good night," Nick replied as he quietly retreated from the room. Jenna was fast asleep before he had even closed the door behind him.

He went across the hall into he bedroom, where Chelsea was standing in front of the mirror, combing her silky brown hair identical to Jenna's. Nick laid down on the bed on his stomach, resting his chin on his arms and looking at his wife, who was smiling widely at her own reflection in the mirror.

"What?" Nick asked.

Chelsea's smile widened. "Remember when we first talked about having kids, and you had that stupid idea in your head that you weren't going to be a good dad?"

"Yeah..." Nick said, knowing where this was going already.

"Well, I hate to say I told ya so, but I kinda did," she said, turning around and facing Nick.

Nick was able to hide his smile behind his folded arms. "You're so smart," he said sarcastically.

Chelsea smirked at him as she climbed onto the bed, sitting cross-legged next to him. "You are too, just not when it comes to common sense."

Nick rolled onnto his side, bracing himself up on his right elbow. "How do you figure?" he asked, his smile now completely visible.

"Because you didn't think you were going to be a good dad, and you're the best dad ever. You're crazy for ever thinking anything to the contrary."

Nick nodded slightly. "Yeah, and you're crazy for marrying me. Haven't we been over this before?"

Chelsea hit Nick's arm so that his head fell to the mattress. "Wiseguy," she said, shaking her head slowly. "You underestimate yourself."

"I have my reasons for why," Nick said, keeping his head on the sheets. "You were the first person I actually dated, like officially. I've done so much stuff I wish I hadn't when I was younger. You, on the other hand, were a perfect angel."

"Just because I was a virgin didn't mean I was an angel," Chelsea said somewhat defensively.

"Yes it does," Nick argued. "Well, not entirely. But I'd bet anything that you weren't the kind of girl that got drunk and out of control at parties."

"That's because I told you that already."

"I would have guessed that anyway," Nick replied. "It's not a bad thing. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, and I wish I had met you when I was younger so I wouldn't have been such an idiot."

"The stuff you did wasn't anything worse than what most people do when they're younger," Chelsea said plainly.

"True, but still. I regret it all now."

Chelsea frowned. "Why?"

Nick propped himself back up on his elbow again. "Because I met you."

"What do you mean?" Chelsea asked.

Nick sighed slightly. "I never told you this cuz it sounds kinda stupid, but so do most of the things I say so I guess it doesn't matter. Ya know how you waited so long to have sex because you wanted it to be with the right person?"

Chelsea nodded. "Yeah, I was waiting for you."

Nick smiled. "Yeah. Well, I didn't do that, and I wish I had. But even though I didn't, it didn't matter really because being with you was more than just sex because I love you, and I've never felt this way about anyone ever before. It's exactly like what people say when they say that it's better with someone you love because you care about them so much, ya know?"

Chelsea smiled widely, looking at her husband lovingly. "Yeah, I know."

_Do you know you're unlike any other?  
You'll always be my thunder, and I said  
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors  
I don't wanna ever love another_


	3. Over My Head

Nick saw it coming. He knew there was nothing he could do, but he tried anyway. He only had a split second to react, and unfortunately it wasn't enough. There was absolutely no way of stopping it from happening. All he could do was try to make it not as severe, but even that was a stretch in accomplishing. Nick didn't want to accept the fact that there was nothing he could, but he was only able to think about it for barely a second before bright lights blinded him and everything slowed down to an almost completely stop. 

The noise was unlike anything Nick had ever heard before. So many different noises were combined into one in an explosion of sound that lasted only a few seconds. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, but at the same time it felt like watching a movie that skipped a scene. One minute Nick was taking a right turn, and the next the car was on it's side on the wrong side of the road. Nick couldn't hear anything, but all of his other senses were in full gear. He could smell the sickening aroma of the airbags and burning rubber. Pain coursed through his entire body in sharp bursts. When he opened his eyes, he realized that he was dangling out of his seat, suspended by his seatbelt.

Nick wasn't sure how long it took him to get his bearings. When he finally did, he put his left hand through the driver's side window before unbuckling his seatbelt with his right hand. He caught his weight on his left hand, which he then realized was broken. Ignoring that, he pulled his legs out from under the steering wheel and stood where the center consol met the driver's seat. He let go of the window and crouched down. The sharp pains in his chest and neck were the least of his worries at the moment.

Nick was having a hard time seeing much of anything due to all the air bag dust and the blow to the head he sustained from the steering wheel airbag in the crash. He could see Chelsea's brown hair and paling face in front of him, but couldn't make anything else out. He glanced into the backseat and saw the outline of Jenna, hunched ovre her seatbelt. They were both unconscious and buckled in, and from where he was Nick knew he wasn't going to be able to get them out of the car. He knew he had to find a way because the gas tank had undoubtedly broke open and the engine was already steaming.

Nick wrapped both of his hands around the outside of the window and pulled himself up and out of the car. In the process, he cut his sides deeply on the shards of glass potruding from the window. He didn't care. He pulled his legs out next before turning around and jumping off the car. Upon impact with the concrete, a searing pain shot up the left side of his body and in the back of his mind, Nick knew it was because that's where the other car had hit them. But that little fact remained in the back of his head as he went around to the other side of the car. Without hesitation, he kicked out the glass to the sunroof and knelt down to see inside.

His eyes immeditaly landed on Chelsea, and he instinctively reached out for her. His hand closed around her hand and he tried to pull her out, but he couldn't. He reached in as far as he could, but that only made more glass cut into his sides and cause him more pain. Everything started to go black, and he tried to brace himself against the car as he fell to the side, but his arms wouldn't reach out for anything. He was completely deprived of all the energy he had and all muscle control whatsoever. Chelsea's hand slipped from his and his eyes involuntarily closed as he passed out, just before his head hit the concrete beneath him.

* * *

When Nick opened his eyes, everything had changed. He wasn't where he last remembered being. He wasn't next to the car anymore. He was laying on his back off to the side, and even though he was in a different position, the pain was still as bad as it had been before. The skin on his forhead felt tight, and when he reached up his finger tips were met with the feel of the gauze pad covering the cut. His left hand was shaking slightly and he could feel warm blood on a lot of his skin, coming from the dozens of cuts all over his body. Ignoring all of that and the spinning of his head, Nick stood and tried to turn around and look at the car behind him and off to his right. 

Once he was fully on his feet, Warrick appeared from behind him and stopped abruptly right next to Nick on his right, blocking his view of the car. Nick could see ambulance and police lights flashing and could hear people yelling as metal crunched. He tried to keep turning, but Warrick wrapped his arms tightly around Nick's shoulders and forced Nick's head against his shoulder so he couldn't see.

"Don't look Nicky," Warrick said so softly that Nick barely heard him.

Nick wished he had the energy to fight Warrick off, but he still tried. "Don't look at what?"

"Don't look Nicky," Warrick repeated.

Nick stuggled harder against Warrick and could feel tears stinging his eyes as the panic rose. "Don't look at what?" he asked louder.

Warrick pulled Nick tighter against him and closed his eyes. Neither one of them had known that Catherine had walked up beside them until they felt her hands on their arms and her head against Warrick's shoulder next to Nick's.

Nick gave up trying to fight off Warrick and instead gripped handfuls of his shirt as if it were his lifeline. "Don't look at what?" he asked for the third time, but no one responded.

Nick's question was met only with the sounds of the sirens still coming, people shouting and talking behind them and Catherine's muffled sobs. Nick's whole body started shaking and he could feel Warrick's chest heaving against his own. After what seemed like a lifetime, Nick felt a hand on his shoulder and Warrick released his grip. They all turned to see a teary-eyed Brass, accompanied by an equally solemn looking Grissom.

"What wasn't I supposed to see?" Nick asked, but again wasn't answered.

Brass took a deep breath to keep his voice steady. "You need to go to the hospital. The paramedics were able to stabalize you, but you're still pretty banged up and need to be checked out."

Nick shook his head. "I'm fine. Where's Chelsea and Jenna?" Brass and Grissom could only stare at Nick blankly. Catherine leaned against the back of Nick's shoulder and he felt her tears soak through the fabric. "Where are they?" Nick almost yelled.

"You need to go to the hospital," Grissom said, trying to be rational.

Nick pretended he had never spoke. "Where are they?"

Grissom gently put both of his hands on Nick's shoulders and pushed him down until he was sitting on the side of the curb, his shaking arms resting on his knees. Grissom crouched down in front of him, hands still on the younger man's shoulders, and looked him right in the eyes.

"They're gone Nicky," Grissom said quietly.

Nick shook his head. "To the hospital, right? They're okay, right?"

Grissom's hands dropped off of Nick's shoulders as tears filled his eyes. His prescence was replaced by Warrick, who kneeled in front of Nick and put his hands on his best friend's arms.

"No Nicky, they're gone," he said.

Nick kept shaking his head. "No," he choked out. "No, they're okay. They're okay, right?"

Warrick shook his head slowly. Nick stopped shaking his head when he finally understood and it hit him. He felt like someone had removed the lungs from his body, and in the process were stabbing his heart with a million tiny needles. He couldn't breathe or see anything anymore. Everything went black again and the sirens became insesent ringing in his ears that got louder and louder the more he tried to take a deep breath. He tasted blood in his mouth heard the noise of the crash over and over again.

And then everything went quiet.

* * *

Nick awoke in a dimly light hospital room, lying on top of the sheets with the same clothes he had been wearing before still on. The immense pain he had felt before had somehow gotten worse, but he cared even less now. His knees were so weak that they barely supported his weight as he got out of the bed and all but ran to the door, throwing it open and allowing the light from the hallway to blind him momentarily. When his eyes adjusted, he saw Greg, Warrick, and Brass sitting in chairs up against the wall as Grissom and Catherine talked to a few doctors standing in front of them. The three men in the chairs were staring at the floor with no intentions of stopping anytime soon.

Nick started towards them and was halfway there before they looked up at him and Catherine turned to see him. Grissom glanced over his shoulder, but had to look away and watchthe doctors leave because he couldn't stand to see the sight of Nick in his current condition. Nick stopped dead in his tracks when Catherine looked at him, tears streaming down her face. She slowly walked over to him, not hesistating for a second before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug.

"Please tell me they're okay," Nick forced out, his voice choked by the tears building up.

Catherine shook her head slightly. "They're gone Nicky," she whispered.

Nick wrapped his shaking arms around her waist as the tears spilled from his eyes. "They can't be," he said, his voice breaking. "I'm fine. They should be fine too. Why aren't the okay?"

Nick let his head rest against Catherine's shoulder as he looked over at the rest of his team. They were all either looking at the floor again or covering their faces in their hands. Nick knew they were all crying, and that's how he knew it was true. He didn't want to believe it when three people had told him so. He could ignore those words, but he couldn't ignore the sight before him, which brought such an incredible pain to his chest that he thought it was going to kill him. He wished it would kill him so that he wouldn't feel this lost and heartbroken. All he could do was stand there, shaking as tears spilled down his pale cheeks.

There was nothing he could have done to prevent it from happening.

There was nothing he could have done to fix it.

Now there was nothing he could do to change that it had happened.


	4. Surrender

Nick sat silently on the cold metal table as the doctor standing to his left stiched up the gash on his forehead from when he had passed out and hit his head on the pavement. He hadn't been paying attention when the doctor had told him his name. He hadn't cared enough to listen. He had just sat there silently as the doctor had removed the rest of the glass from the cuts all over his body and stitched up the necessary cuts and tightly bandaged his injured hand. Nick didn't care about the pain or the constant spinning of his head. He tried to ignore them because these things only reminded him of what had happened. He wanted to forget it, but all he could do was replay it over and over in his head. 

He had had her hand in his. His hand was broken, but hers had still been warm. He had seen Chelsea and Jenna before he had climbed out of the car and went around to the other side to get them out. He was trying to get them out when he passed out. Nick didn't understand how he was okay and they were gone. He was trying to save them, but he couldn't. He had done everything he could, but it wasn't enough. He was here, getting stitches, and they were gone. Forever.

Nick's heart had never felt heavier than it did right now. He could barely breathe, and he knew it had nothing to do with the stitches he had just gotten on his sides. He knew it had nothing to do with the dark bruise across his chest from the seat belt or the fractured ribs he had. He knew none of that had anything to do with it, despite what the doctors told him. He could barely breathe because he knew that Chelsea and Jenna were gone. He was never going to see them again, and the pain was almost enough to stop his heart and crush his lungs. Almost, but not quite.

The day began to replay itself over in Nick's head. It had started off being a great birthday for him. He had taken Jenna to the park while Chelsea was at work and when she got home earlier than usual, they went to the movies. Chelsea had to get Nick out of the house so that Catherine could bring the food over with everyone else for the surprise party, which Nick had no idea about. On the way home, Jenna had been talking excitedly about how good the movie had been and Nick remembered that being the last thing he heard before the headlights blinded his vision. How could a day that had started so perfectly end in the worst way possible?

Nick glanced up at the clock hanging on the pale white wall. It read 11:53. The accident had occured around seven. In five hours, Nick's entire life had been turned upside down by something that only took mere seconds to happen. Everything had changed in those six hours, and they weren't going to be changed back ever again. Nick watched the minutes pass by, winding down to the end of his birthday. It had started off great, and was coming to a terrible end.

When the doctor was finished, he left without a word, leaving Nick alone for a few minutes. Nick didn't move at all in those few minutes before Catherine and Warrick came in, both with the same looks on their faces that they had had all night. Nick looked over at them and watched them walk over and stand in front of him. He stared at them with a blank expression on his face, not knowing what to say or do anymore.

"I'm so sorry Nicky," Catherine said softly before covering her mouth with her shaking hand.

The tears from before returned to Nick's eyes. "I'm sorry too."

Warrick shook his head. "It wasn't your fault man."

Nick nodded. "Yes, it was. I should have been able to save them, but I couldn't. It's my fault."

"No, it's not," Warrick said quietly, but firmly. "They both died instantly Nicky. They never felt a thing. There was nothing you could have done."

"Why am I okay? Why did they die, but I didn't?" Nick asked.

Catherine shook her head slowly. "I don't know. The doctors said it was because they're smaller and more fragile than you are, and the way the car landed...they had no chance Nicky."

Nick looked down at the tile floor beneat his dangling feet. The tears fell down his cheeks and onto the floor below. "I can't believe they're really gone," he choked out softly. "Why did this have to happen?"

No one had an answer, so they didn't try and offer an explanation. They knew that even if they had one, it wouldn't do any good. It wouldn't change anything, no matter how much they all wanted to. So instead they stayed there with Nick until they finally decided it was time for him to get some much needed rest. The doctors released him, and in less time than it seemed, Nick was asleep on Catherine's couch with her and Warrick sitting across from him on the loveseat in the dark living room, wishing that this was all just a terrible dream that would be over soon.

* * *

Warrick and Catherine were unable to fall asleep, but were glad that Nick did. He was completely exhausted, and the best thing for him at the time was to just sleep and get much needed rest. His broken left hand was resting on his chest as it rose slowly up and down. Catherine rested her head against Warrick's shoulder as tears fell from her eyes. Warrick had his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders, trying his best to make this not so hard. He knew that that was impossible as he watched his best friend sleeping on the couch in front of him. The loss of Jenna and Chelsea was difficult enough for him. He couldn't even imagine what Nick was going through.

Warrick tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it wouldn't go away. It had been there since he had told Nick that Chelsea and Jenna were gone. The look in Nick's eyes had been enough to cut off Warrick's air supply for a few moments. He had never seen his friend look so lost and heartbroken before. He wished there was something he could do to make that look go away, but there wasn't. There was nothing anyone could do, and that was by far the worst part.

Nick awoke with a start and sat straight up, startling both Catherine and Warrick. Nick's ribs screamed out in pain of protest because of his sudden motion, but he didn't care. His hand was throbbing and his head felt like it was about to explode, but he didn't care. His breathing had suddenly changed from slow and steady to fast and ragged. His arms were shaking against his chest as he tried to get his breathing under control. When he finally did, he realized where he was and looked to his right over at Catherine and Warrick.

"I just dreamt about it," Nick said quietly. "I saw them die. They died, and I was right there." He swung his legs off the couch so he was sitting now, still looking at Catherine and Warrick.

They both got up and went over and sat down next to Nick on the couch, but they didn't stay there long. Moments after, they all stood up silently and went into the kitchen, where Catherine turned on a light and Warrick turned the coffee maker on. Then they all sat down at the table with a mug in front of them, filled with Greg's special Hawaiian coffee. Nick stared down at the table, trying to will away the pain in his chest.

"Stop blaming yourself," Warrick said, reading Nick's mind. "That won't make this any easier."

"I know, but I can't help it. I was right there. I'm still here, and they're gone. How is that fair?"

Catherine shook her head. "It isn't. But we're gonna get through this together, right?" she said as she reached across the table and put her and on Nick's.

Nick nodded and sighed heavily. "I sure as hell hope so."


	5. Broken Heart

Nick felt bad about swearing in a church, but only briefly thought about it before he swore again. Of course he wasn't swearing out loud, and he wasn't even religious, but he still felt bad about it. He was using that as a distraction to keep himself from thinking about the reason he was even in a church in the first place. It wasn't working out as well as he hoped. He stared down at the floor beneath his feet, afraid that if he looked up he would be able to see through the doors in front of him and would see their pictures in front of the alter. He wasn't ready for that right now, and he wasn't sure if he ever would be. He wished he wasn't going to have to find out the answer to that question. 

Nick was wishing a lot of things right now, like that Warrick and Catherine hadn't had to go to their seats already, leaving him ny himself. He wished that the pain in his chest would either go away or just kill him and put him out of his misery. He wished he hadn't seen the looks in the eyes of his parents, friends and everyone else that had come to the funeral today. They all looked at him the same way, with the same look in their eyes. They all felt so bad for him, but their faces and body language spoke louder than their words of sympathy ever could, and it only reminded him more of the magnitude of what had happened. It was so tragic and heartbreaking that everyone who had come could barely look at Nick without tears blurring their vision.

"Nick."

The tears hadn't started stinging his eyes until he had heard his name, spoken simply and quietly from behind him. There was no need for him to turn around to see who had said it, but he turned around nonetheless. He felt the pain in his chest get worse, which he had thought was impossible, but apparently it wasn't. His eyes set on the older couple in front of him, and he was immediatly glued to the spot. His legs wouldn't move and his lungs wouldn't take in any more air, which Nick decided was just to torture him even more. Chelsea's mother and father, Renee and Ben, closed the gap between them and stood in front of Nick, both with sad smiles on their faces.

"Nick," Renee repeated as she put her arms around Nick's shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. Nick was somehow able to hug her back before she pulled away, allowing Ben to repeat the gesture.

A lot of people would openly admit that they were jealous of Nick's relationship with Chelsea's parents. There were undoubtedly thousands of people who could not get along with their in-laws no matter what, and that just made their lives hell. But not in Nick's case. Chelsea's parents had loved him immediatly and were estatic that their only child had found someone that was perfect for her. Nick's parents also got along famously with Renee and Ben. They were both crazy about their children's significant other and couldn't have been more pleased.

But seeing Renee and Ben this time was different. It was for a totally different reason, a reason that was tragic and painful for everyone. Nick had spoken with both Renee and Ben on the phone prior to the funeral, but this was the first time he had seen them. They had lived in Henderson all their life and raised Chelsea there, but had been on vacation when Nick had first phoned them about what had happened. They had come home as soon as they could, and now here they were.

"I'm so sorry," Nick said when Ben stood back next to Renee.

Ben shook his head immediatly. "Don't you for one second think that this is your fault Nick. There was nothing more you could have done."

"It wasn't your fault honey," Renee added sweetly.

"You did more for Chelsea than anyone ever could. You're the best thing that ever happened to her, and nothing can change that," Ben said.

Nick just nodded weakly, unable to say anything else. What do you say to the people who just lost their only child? Nick knew first hand that nothing could ever take that pain away. No parent ever wants to out live their children, but Nick had. He couldn't handle the overwhelming feeling as he walked through the doors and to the front of the church in between Ben and Renee. He kepts his eyes on the floor, away from the people watching them walk to their seats and away from the picture of his wife and daughter in front of him, propped up on top of the two caskets.

They took their seats in the front row, in front of Nick's parents, Warrick and Catherine, before Nick finally looked up. Jenna's picture was right in front of him, her smiling face looking out at the crowd of people in the church. No matter how hard Nick stared at that picture, he still saw the image of her in the backseat of the car after the accident. He hadn't known then that she hadn't made it, but knowing that now made it even worse.

Chelsea's picture stung Nick just as bad. He couldn't see it as clearly as he could see her lying in front of him, mere inches away, but still out of his reach. His left hand still hurt, and he swore the pain got worse when he thought about how he had had her hand in his. It had still been warm, but she still couldn't have been saved. Nick looked back and forth between the two pictures at least a hundred times before he finally dropped his eyes to his hands, which he rested in his lap, clasped together to try and keep them from shaking.

The service seemed like it was taking far too long. All Nick wanted to do was get out of there so he could try and find a way to release all the pain built up inside of him. Tears fell silently down his pale cheeks and only got worse when he realized that Renee and Ben were trying to contain their sorrow. They were trying to be strong and brave, and were somehow succeeding. Nick on the other hand felt himself falling apart slowly and knew that there was very little chance that he would be able to get himself back together ever again.

* * *

Nick was in his house for the first time since the morning of his birthday four days ago. He had stayed at Catherine's after he was released from the hospital up until the funeral. Warrick had gone to his house to get his suit for him so he wouldn't have to. But now, after the reception at Chelsea's parents which Ben had empathetically told Nick to leave early, Nick was back home by himself and completely lost. 

He stood in the middle of his dark living room, unable to move or think of anything other than how quiet and dismal the house was now. Everytime he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, he felt like he was going to choke. It made it hard to breathe, and the clothes he was wearing wasn't making him anymore comfortable. Nick forced himself to go into the bedroom, where he quickly changed into more comfortable clothes in the dark before he disposed of the suit in its place in the hall closet. Nick then stood in the hallway for a few moments before going back into the bedroom and turning the light on.

Nick's hand fell to his side as the light filled the room. He stood in the doorway as he looked at everything in it, most of which were things he never noticed before because he was ao accustomed to them, but now they stuck out to him. The bed was neatly made, the covers tucked in perfectly and the pillows arranged in a flawless pyramid shape. Nick's clean clothes that he had neglected to put away were folded neatly on his dresser. Chelsea's clothes had of course already been put away, and it would have only been a matter of time before she had put Nick's away for him as well.

Nick was able to force his eyes away from Chelsea's dresser, where he didn't want his eyes to rest at all right now. They instead went over to the nightstand next to the bed, where next to the phone he saw a flat, rectangular object propped up against the phone's base. Nick walked slowly over to it, realizing it was a wrapped present as he drew nearer. He stood next to the bed, looking down at the dark blue wrapping paper with the name tag addressed to him. He stared at it for a long time before he reached out and picked it up, holding it in his hands like it was a bomb waiting to explode.

Nick carefully took the wrapping paper off of the object to reveal the back of a picture frame. He turned it over slowly until he saw what the frame contained. It was a picture of the three of them - Jenna, Chelsea, and himself. Jenna was sitting in his lap and Chelsea was behind him with her arms wrapped around his neck, all three of them smiling. Nick stared down at Chelsea and Jenna's smiling faces for a good fifteen minutes before finally standing the picture up against the phone like it had been before, but now with the wrapping paper off, before he walked out of the room, turning the light off and closing the door behind him.

Nick's initial goal was to go back to the living room and collapse on the couch, but those plans were interrupted when out of the corner of his eye, he saw the light on Jenna's desk in her room was on. He reluctantly went into her room, trying harder and harder to breathe with each step he took. He walked past the bed with its light blue comforter thrown haphazardly over the rest of the bed in a seven-year-old's attempt to make their bed. He made it past her bureau without looking at anything on it, but he wasn't that fortunate when he got to her desk.

The light on the desk was shining directly onto an open notebook in the middle of the desk amongst the clutter of crayons, paper and a few Nancy Drew books. Nick reached for the light, but drew his hand back when his eyes instinctively looked down at the open notebook in front of him, which he soon realized to be Jenna's journal. It was open to the last entry, dated back four days ago. August 18th. Nick's birthday.

Nick couldn't stop himself from reading the neat yet somewhat messy writing in blue pen on the page.

_Today's daddy's birthday. I'm really excited because we're having a surprise party at aunt Catherine's house with everyone and it's going to be really fun. I'm glad we're having a party like this_ _because my dad always has to work a lot and I don't get to see him a lot in the summer because his job gets busy. His job is really important because he catches the bad guys after they do bad things and he's really good at it too. Summer's almost over though and this is one of the last times everyone will be at the same party together before I have to go back to school. I can't wait because I know my dad will have fun and it's even more fun when he has fun. Mommy and I are going to distract him all day so everyone else can get ready for the party. I hope my dad has a good birthday._

Nick read and re-read what Jenna had wrote so many times it was burned into his memory permenately. He saw the words in front of him and he could hear her voice in his head as he walked into the living room. He laid down on the couch and closed his eyes tightly, but that only forced the picture of the three of them into his mind. A few tears slipped out from his closed eyes, but he kept them closed and kept his arms pinned down by his sides, trying to make it easier to breathe.

Nick would soon learn that nothing would make anything easy.


	6. Shark Attack

The silence in the room had been building for quite some time. It was the kind of silence that followed something either incredibly sad, shocking or serious having been revealed. In this case, it was neither the former nor the latter. It was something completely and utterly shocking that had some out of Brass' mouth to the rest of the team in the break room that night before shift. 

Catherine shook her head slowly before she finally spoke. "Could you repeat that please Jim?"

Brass sighed and nodded slightly. "Harry Walker, the man driving the car that hit Nick that night, will not be charged with anything. The DA said that he wasn't legally drunk, it was dark and foggy out, he has no other offenses and it's being ruled as an accident. He just wants it to go away as fast as possible."

"So he's just letting that guy off with nothing?" Warrick asked on the verge of yelling.

"I disagreed with him as much as any of you do and I tried to change his mind, but he just won't. I was in his office for two hours, but he didn't budge at all," Brass said with a sigh. He looked at Nick, who was standing off to his right. "I'm sorry kid," he said sadly.

"If he wasn't 'legally' drunk, then why did he hit me? It wasn't foggy out at all, I could see fine. It wasn't just an accident, something had to have caused it," Nick said.

Brass shrugged lamely. "I know, but there's nothing more that can be done. Trust me, if there was, I'd do whatever it took to get some sort of justice out of it, you know that."

Nick nodded slightly. "Yeah, it's just too bad that things don't always work out that way." He then muttered some excuse about getting results from Mandy and left the break room, leaving his team behind him.

"I bet the DA would change his mind if he had to see how Nick is now," Brass said angrily as he sat down in a chair at the table.

Greg shook his head slowly. "I still can't believe it happened," he said.

"None of us can Greggo," Grissom said, using Greg's nickname, which was a rareity for the supervisor, but the nickname had been given to Greg by Nick, so it seemed only fitting. "Things like this should never happen. But unfortunately, we know all too well that they do, every day. Without it we wouldn't have a job."

"I don't care if I was unemployed if it meant that I didn't have to see Nick like that," Greg said, looking at Grissom from across the table.

"I second that," Catherine said as she ran her hand through her hair. "But even if he could get some sort of closure from it, I bet it wouldn't do him any good. It did nothing for me when I got it for Eddie and Sam. Some things just can't be fixed."

"This can't be," Warrick said. "He knows it, we all know it. That's the worst part, nothing can make this better."

"You can," Grissom said. "You can't fix it, but you can make it a little better and a little easier on him. You're his best friend."

Warrick nodded slightly. "I know, I just don't know what to do or say to him."

"Nothing," Grissom replied. "Just listen to him and be there with him. He's lost a helluva a lot, but he hasn't lost everything, even though right now it feels like it to him."

* * *

Warrick found Nick sitting on the roof with his back against the wall encasing the staircase on the inside. Warrick found Nick sitting there with his knees drawn up to his chest, just like he knew he would. Warrick sat down next to him and rested his arms on his knees in front of him. Nick didn't look over at him, but he did continue to stare out at the bright lights of Vegas in front of them from their perfect view atop the Las Vegas Crime Lab. 

Warrick wished he knew what to say. He knew he should just be there for Nick no matter what, but he still felt like he should be able to say _something_. There must be something that he could say to make Nick feel somewhat better, but there was nothing that came to mind no matter how hard he thought about it. It had hurt Warrick enough when it happened, he couldn't even imagine the pain Nick was in. What do you say to someone who lost their wife and daughter, on their birthday?

Luckily for Warrick, Nick knew exactly what to say. "This fucking sucks man," he said quietly.

Warrick looked at Nick. "I know buddy."

"I don't even care about that stupid guy," Nick said, shaking his head. "It wouldn't have changed anything anyway. But I wish there was nothing that needed to be changed. This should have never happened."

"But it did," Warrick said slowly. "And as much as it sucks, you can't change it Nicky."

Nick nodded slightly. "I know," he whispered. "I just wish it had been me and not them."

"Come on man, don't think like that," Warrick said.

"I can't help it. I was with them. I was right there. I survived, and they didn't. That's all I can ever think about. They're all I can ever think about," Nick said as he finally looked over at Warrick.

"I wish there was something more I could do for ya man," Warrick said sadly. "But we can get through this, I know that much for sure. It's gonna be hardest thing ever, but I think we can at least try."

Nick smiled slightly. "If I had lost you too, I would be completely insane by now. I'm well on my way right now, but you're giving me a fighting chance at sanity."

Warrick smiled back a little. "Glad to know I'm doing something productive."

Nick was still smiling when he looked back at the lights of the city, but it slowly faded. As Warrick looked at him, he realized a lot about his best friend seemed to be fading. His eyes seemed lighter and emptier than usually did when they were such a dark brown, full of energy and life. His hair even seemed lighter, but that was because it was constantly messy because he kept running his hands through it to try and keep them from shaking. Nick's overall demeanor seemed faded and washed out compared to his usual vibrant personality and physical being.

Nick was quieter than he usually was. He wasn't sarcastic and funny like before, which was understandable given what had happened to him. He wanted to be the same as before, but he knew he never would be again because who he was, was now gone. Chelsea and Jenna had been his whole life. Of course he loved his friends and family and his job, but nothing even came close to what he felt for them. And now, without that huge part, he felt totally lost. His heart felt utterly destroyed, and nothing would be able to fix that.

* * *

Warrick had doubted that Nick would be able to kill someone since the day he had met the man because of his personality. But now, as he stood behind him and had his arms wrapped around his chest holding him bad, he started to doubt his previous assumption and hoped he would never be proven wrong. He didn't doubt that if he let Nick go, something bad would happen to the man Brass was pulling away in the opposite direction. Then Ecklie came out of nowhere and stood behind Brass, not moving at all, forcing the captain to stop pulling the man out of the lab.

"What's going on here?" Ecklie asked in an annoyed tone.

"He threatened my life," Brass' guy said, pointing at Nick.

Ecklie looked at Nick, who nodded. "Hell yeah I did."

Ecklie looked back and forth between the two men. "Do you two know each other?"

"I'm Jake Harris," Brass' captive said. "Nick's just mad that I care."

"No, I'm mad that you're being a jackass and trying to piss me off, again," Nick replied. "He's Chelsea's ex," he added for Ecklie's edification.

"She's your ex too now because she's dead," Jake said harshly. "She wouldn't be if she had stayed with me."

"You tried to rape her on numerous occassions," Nick almost yelled. "You're so fucking diranged, you need to get help."

"You say that like she willingly had sex with you. Your daughter was that of a rape, everyone knows it. She was only with you because she was too afraid to leave you because you told her you'd kill her," Jake said, trying to put on a show for Ecklie.

Ecklie looked at Nick. "What is he talking about?"

Nick shook his head. "I don't know. He's just pissed off that she left him because all he wanted from her was sex, and she didn't love him. That had nothing to do with me."

"Bullshit," Jake said. "This has everything to do with you and what you did to your wife and kid."

"What are you talking about?" Nick yelled.

"You raped both of them all the time, Chelsea told me all about it."

Ecklie looked at Brass, who looked pissed off. "Okay, get him out of here," Ecklie said, and Brass gladly obeyed. Ecklie then walked over to Nick, who had finally been released by Warrick. "You're gonna hate me for this Nick, but I honestly have no choice."

"No choice in what?" Nick asked.

"Jake filed a report, that's why he was here. I didn't put it together because I just read it briefly, but then I saw this. We're going to have to investigate it because of what it allegedly involves."

Ecklie didn't need to say it, but all three men standing there knew what he was talking about. Nick had been accused of raping not only his wife, but also a child, and those matters can never be taken lightly.

Nick nodded slightly. "Fine, you're not gonna find anything, I never did anything to them."

"I know, I believe you, but there's no way around it. There's also no way around this either; the sheriff and DA both want you to go back to counseling."

Nick frowned. "What?"

"They were skepitcal about you coming back to work so soon after what happened and they think it's for the good of everyone because of all the bad things that have happened to you," Ecklie said.

Nick shook his head. "Why do they get to decide?"

"Because they tell me what to do, unfortunately."

Nick laughed humorlessly. "Fine, I'll go back and see the guy that I hate and that hates me, for them, while there's an investigation on me on whether or not I raped my wife and kid, who died on my birthday. Ask them if there's anything else I can do for them."


	7. Questions and Answers

Warrick had never had to use it in his life before, but now he was glad that Nick had given him the spare key to his house years ago. Whenever Nick was home and awake, the door was always unlocked and Warrick or whoever else came over could walk right in as they pleased. Warrick had just tried doing that a moment ago because he knew Nick was both awake and home, but this time the door was locked. This worried Warrick immediatly, and he felt his heart rate increasing as he fumbled to figure out which key was Nick's so he could unlock the door and see if his friend was okay.

Warrick finally got the door open and revealed to himself a not so pleasant sight. Nick was sitting in his dimly lit living room on the floor with his back up against the couch. He looked extremely pale and like he hadn't eaten or slept in days, which Warrick bet he hadn't. He had a half full beer bottle in one hand and his head in the other.

Warrick slowly walked over to him and sat down next to his best friend silently. He took the beer bottle out of Nick's left hand and put it on the end table behind him along with the other ones cluttering the small surface. He then turned back to Nick and looked at him closely for the first time and could now see silent tears slowly rolling down his pale cheeks and neck. Nick was staring down at the floor in between his feet and didn't seem to have the intention of speaking, but he eventually did.

"I went to see them today," Nick said softly, and of course Warrick knew who he meant.

Warrick had been to Chelsea and Jenna's grave a few times with him, so Warrick was more surprised at the fact that Nick wasn't slurring his words or appearing to be drunk at all despite all the empty beer bottles behind him. Nick had quit smoking when he had met Chelsea and had never been much of a drinker, even when they all went out as friend's for whatever reason. Warrick guessed that Nick was just too heartbroken for anything else to have an affect on him, even though Nick was obviously trying to change that.

"All I could look at was the date on Jenna's stone. She was seven-years-old. Seven. I'm five times that age."

Warrick nodded slightly. "I know man, it's awful."

"The funeral home had to specially order her coffin because they didn't have any that small. Ya know why they didn't? Because you're not supposed to die when you're that fucking small," Nick said, the tears still falling from his tired eyes.

Warrick hated seeing Nick like this and wished there was something more he could do for him other than just sitting next to him and listening to him. He wanted to be able to do something to help get Nick back to the old Nick, the one that was so fun to be around and was always smiling. Warrick couldn't blame him for not being like that anymore because of what had happened, but he still wished he could make him feel better and get him back to normal.

But Warrick knew that the only thing that could make Nick feel better is changing what had happened a month ago, but nothing could do that. Nothing could change the fact that Jenna and Chelsea were both gone, forever, and knowing that only made it hurt worse. Warrick couldn't even imagine the pain that Nick was in right now. He had obviously been close with both his best friend's wife and daughter, but no one loved them more than Nick.

Nick sighed heavily and stared back down at the floor that he had been sitting on for hours on end with no intention to move. He could still see the blinding lights of the other car and the images of Chelsea and Jenna that he had seen when he was trying to get them out of the car. They flashed before his eyes as if it was happening all over again, and all he could do was sit there and wish that this was all an awful nightmare. Maybe it was a nightmare, but Nick doubted he'd ever wake up from it. 

* * *

Captain Jim Brass is not an easy man to intimidate. In fact, if you asked all of the people he knew and worked with, almost all of them would say that it was an impossible thing to do. The only regular emotions he showed was his sense of humor mixed with sarcasm and the occassional fit of rage that came with the job. So it was no surprise that when Detective Chase, the detective assigned to investigate Jake's allegations towards Nick, tried to intimidate Brass, that it didn't work at all.

"Just because he's your friend doesn't mean you have to protect him," Chase said from across the table to Brass in the interrogation room.

Brass nodded. "I know, that's why I'm not protecting him. He doesn't need protecting, he didn't do anything wrong," Brass replied simply.

"So you don't believe these allegations?" Chase asked.

Brass shook his head. "Of course I don't, they're absurd."

"And why's that?"

Brass sighed as if it was common knowledge. "Because Nick loved Chelsea and Jenna more than the sheriff loves pissing people off. He would never, ever do what you all want to prove he did, so you're wasting your time."

Chase nodded slightly. "So you think these allegations hold no weight?"

"I know they don't," Brass answered. "Chelsea's ex, who is mad that she found Nick, lied through his teeth and you guys think he's telling the truth, when he couldn't be more wrong. If you knew Nick, you'd understand."

"Would I?"

Brass nodded. "Yeah, you would. He once drove out to Reno on one of his only days off to pick Jenna up from a vacation with her friend's family because she was homesick."

Chase shrugged. "A lot of guys would do that for their daughter."

"Would those same guys rape their kids?" Brass asked. Chase didn't respond, so he continued. "Nick worked a casea few months ago that was a robbery at the Tangiers. LeBron James' watch and some other things had been stolen from his room. When Nicksolved the case and got his things back, LeBron was so happy he wanted to personally thank Nick and invited him out to dinner. Nick thanked him for the offer, but had to decline because Chelsea and Jenna weren't feeling well and he wanted to stay home and take care of them."

Brass stood from the table and walked over to the door, pausing to say, "So if you wanna tell me that that same guy would hurt the two people he loves most in the world, then you're out of your fucking mind."

Chase scoffed slightly and shook his head as the door closed behind Brass. He shuffled his notes in an attempt to look like he was doing something as he waited for the next person for him to question to come in. When he finally did, Chase felt assured that he would get better information out of this guy because he would be a little more biased the opposite way Brass had been.

Ben Marsden, Chelsea's father, sat down across from detective Chase silently and folded his hands on the table in front of him. He waited patiently for Chaseto get organized, and he finally did, thequestions began.

"Mr. Marsden, how would your describe your daughter's relationship with Nick Stokes?"

"Perfect," Ben answered simply.

"Could you elaborate a little bit for me please?"

Ben nodded. "Certainly. Chelsea was always a very happy girl, but I never saw her so happy as I did when she was with Nick. She dated that Jake characterbefore him, and he was so awful to her. Nick was the bestthing that could have happened to her. He would never hurt her."

"Did she ever seem upset at something Nick may have done to her or to Jenna?"

Ben shook his head. "Absolutely not. Nick spoiled the both of them. Chelsea never had enough to say about him, and Jenna was the same way."

"You never disliked Nick at any point in time?" Chase asked.

"The only bad thing about Nick was that he used to smoke, but he quite when he met Chelsea, which actually made me like him more. I smoked for fourty years, and I know how hard it is to quit, and Nick did it for my daughter."

Chase was dissappointed in the answers coming from Ben because they all seemed to reflect the same things that Brass had just said, so he decided to move on. "Okay Mr. Marsden, thank you for your time."

As Ben left, he held the door open and smiled to the young women who came in and took his place. She sat down across from Chase and put her purse on the floor beside her chair before pulling all of her long, blonde hair over one shoulder and waiting anxiously for Chase to begin.

"Miss Kendal-"

"Call me Riley."

"Okay, Riley, you're Chelsea's best friend, correct?"

Riled nodded. "Since we were two years old. We grew up across the street from one another."

Chase smiled slightly. "So it's safe to say that you know her pretty well."

"Yeah, we told each other everything."

"So you would know all about her relationship with Nick, right?" Chase asked.

Riley laughed slightly. "Yeah, he's all she would ever talk about when she met him. I never saw her get like that over a guy before. She was crazy over him from the get-go."

"What do you think of him?"

"He's such a great guy, an awesome husband and father. He was so sweet to both of them," Riley said as she brushed a tear from her cheek.

"Did she ever complain about Nick?"

Riley shook her head. "No, never, and she would have told me. She was the only guy she ever loved, and anyone could tell you he loved her just as much, he easily proved that."

"How so?" Chase asked.

"They were married for ten years, but dated for three years before that. Chelsea was a virgin when she met Nick, not for any religious reasons or for any other reason than she was just waiting for the right guy, which is actaully really smart. Anyway, Nick is the only person other than me that she told straight up that she was a virgin to and the real reason behind it. She told everyone else that she didn't believe in pre-marital sex, and they all ended up leaving her soon after, but Nick didn't."

"Did he force her to have sex with him?" Chase asked.

Riley laughed. "No, of course not. She knew Nick was the right guy, she just wasn't ready yet. He waited two years and never pressured her once. She pretty much had to pressure him and make him believe that she was ready because he didn't want her to do something she didn't want to. Any guy that'll wait two years for someone to have sex with them is alright in my book."

"That doesn't exactly fit in with the allegations against him," Chase said softly.

Riley shook her head. "No, it actually proves that they're wrong. Nick would never do that to either of them, he loved them too much to ever hurt them."

Chase nodded slightly. "I keep on getting that impression from everyone I've talked to. Thank you for your time Riley, you helped Nick out alot."

Chase got up, along with Riley, and they both left the interrogation room. Riley took a left and met up with Ben Marsden, who put his arm around her shoulder and walked down the hall with her. Chase took a right and headed straight past Brass' office for where sheriff Hadkins was waiting for him at the lobby desk. Chase dropped the case file on the counter top without and word and turned to walk away, but was stopped by Hadkins.

"So? What'd you find out?" Hadkins asked.

Chase turned around. "That I'm a total jackass for ever believing that that guy would hurt anyone, let alone his wife and daughter. We wasted not only departmental time, but those people's time too. I understand that the allegations were a serious matter, but you actually had me convinced that Nick Stokes was a bad guy."

Hadkins seemed slightly taken back by those comments. "So what do you suggest we do?"

Chase shook his head slightly. "I suggest you apologize to Nick and the people we bothered. And if you inetend to try and get charges pressed, I suggest you start looking for another job."


	8. These Hard Times

Nick wished he could be more like David Hodges and ignore what people were saying and doing around him if he so chose. He guessed that not being able to had something to do with him being a CSI and the fact that it was his job to pay attention to everything around him. But right now, he wished he could block everything out, especially what the man sitting across from him was saying. He heard what he was saying, but didn't show any signs of acknowledgement in hopes that he would just shut up and leave him alone.

Nick ran his hands through his hair several times, and in doing so caught sight of the scar on his left arm. It was from that night, when he had climbed through the broken window then reached through the other broken window to try and save Chelsea. He stared at the jagged scar, leading from the inside of his elbow almost all the way to his wrist. He held his arm out in front of him, looking at it as his throat went dry and flashbacks shot through his mind. He was used to that happening by now. Little things triggered them all the time. The man sitting across from him must have realized it, because he too was looking at Nick's arm. He was just looking at a different part.

"Why do you still wear your wedding ring?" he asked.

Nick looked up at him as if he had just ask a very stupid question, which in Nick's opinion, he had. "What?"

Dr. Langford pointed to the gold ring on Nick's left hand. "Your wedding ring. Why do you still wear it?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Nick asked in an annoyed tone.

"Well, you're techinally not married anymore. You're living in the past. Maybe that's why you're having such a hard time moving on," Langford said.

"I'm having such a hard time moving on because I don't want to move on. I lost my wife and my seven-year-old daughter, on my birthday. Then I'm told I have to come back here, which has never been a big help with anything. Taking off my ring won't make this go away," Nick said.

"Leaving it on won't make them come back," Langford said. "Why do you miss them so much?"

Nick looked at him in disbelief. "You really love to piss me off, don't you?"

Langford smiled slightly. "I'm just trying to do my job."

Nick shook his head, but didn't say anything else. He knew that if he didn't cooperate, Langford wouldn't sign the papers and he would have to keep coming back here. They both hated each other, it was evident. Nick was trying to make this as painless as possible, but Langford seemed to have other ideas in mind. He had never been helpful to Nick, and seemed to like making him mad and feel worse rather than actually trying to help him.

"Do you miss the sex?" Langford asked.

Nick clenched his fists so he wouldn't yell at his 'therapist'. "No," he answered simply.

"Come on," Langford said. "You're a guy, I understand. "You're gonna sit here and tell me you don't miss getting laid all the time?"

Nick shook his head. "That's not why I loved Chelsea."

Langford nodded slowly. "Right, she saved herself for you and you waited for her to be ready. You're a romantic, but even romantic guys want sex."

"I don't need sex, my life screws me every day," Nick said humorlessly.

Langford looked down at the folder sitting in his lap for a moment before looking back up at Nick. "Tell me about Jake Harris' allegations towards you."

Nick sighed heavily. "He's Chelsea's ex. He hates me, and decided to file false allegations saying that I hurt Chelsea and Jenna."

"Hurt how?"

Nick knew that Langford knew exactly what the allegations entitled, and that he was just making him say it. "He said I raped them."

"And you didn't?" Langford asked instead of said.

"Of course I didn't, I would never hurt them."

"Then why would Jake say that?"

"Because he's crazy," Nick said as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"You're the one that's in therapy," Langford said.

"I'm not crazy," Nick said. "A lot of bad stuff has happened to me, and people who get to tell me what to do think I need therapy to make me better."

"You don't think this'll help?"

Nick shook his head. "No, I don't. Talking about what happened over and over again isn't going to make me okay. Nothing's going to make me okay because I lost the two people I love most."

"And it was your fault," Langford said coldly.

"I tried to help them," Nick said weakly.

"But you couldn't, and you rightfully feel guilty for what happened. Tell me, if you could change what happened, would you?"

Nick nodded. "Of course I would."

"How would you change it?" Langford asked. "Would you let yourself be killed to save them?"

Nick nodded again. "I would do anything to have saved them and kept them safe."

"So you're suicidal," Langford said as he wrote something down in the folder.

Before Nick had time to respond, the door behind him flew open and Brass stormed in, along with Grissom and Ecklie. All three of them looked pissed, especially Brass and Grissom. Langford stood from his chair, taking off his glasses and trying to look tough. Nick remained seated, looking confused, which he was.

"Get out," Brass said.

"Excuse me?" Langford asked.

"You're done pal," Brass replied. "We got permissing from Ecklie to watch your session with Nick because we had it under good authority that you're just harassing him and not doing your job."

"Consider us letting you go for your early retirement," Ecklie said.

"You can't be serious," Langford said. "You're taking his word over mine?"

Brass nodded. "And what we just saw. You're an asshole, quite frankly. Now get the hell out of here. We'll send you all of your stuff, your replacement's already waiting."

Defeated and speachless, Langford gathered a few of his belongings and left what was now his former office, his eyes on the floor and away from the four other mean in the room. Brass and Ecklie followed him out, while Grissom stayed behind. He slowly walked around the coffee table in the middle of the room and sat down on the leather couch next to Nick.

"I'm sorry Nick," he said quietly.

Nick shrugged. "It's not your fault."

"We always believed you about that guy, there just wasn't much we could do about it until we kept pressing Ecklie about it, and he finally gave in."

Nick nodded slightly. "I didn't know you could watch CSI's therapy sessions," he said with a small smile.

"We figured you wouldn't mind if it got that guy fired," Grissom said.

"Nah, I don't care," Nick said. "Does this mean I don't have to do this anymore?"

Grissom shook his head. "I'm afraid not. But you get a new guy, a young one I hear, who's really good and not a jackass. He's a friend of mine's student."

Nick sighed. "It can't get any worse I guess."

Said new therapist suddenly walked into the room, escorted by Brass. Grissom patted Nick on the back before standing and leaving with Brass, neither one of them saying a word. Nick watched them go before looking at the new guy for the first time.

He was definitely young, probably not even in his thirties yet. He was dressed in black dress pants and a white dress shirt. He was holding a box of stuff which he walked over to the large oak desk with and set it down in the middle. He was about five foot ten and had light brown, wavy hair. The more he looked at him, the more he reminded Nick of Greg. The new guy shyly walked over to the large leather recliner and sat down, only to stand back up again and extend his hand to Nick.

"I'm Kyle Walker," he said politely.

Nick smiled and shook his hand. "Nick Stokes."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Stokes."

"Please, call me Nick."

Kyle nodded. "And you please call me Kyle, Dr. Walker makes me feel old."

Nick laughed. "Sorry about this, it's probably that most awkward situation ever."

Kyle shrugged. "It's probably worse for you than me. That guy was a real jerk, huh?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah, we hated each other and luckily I ended up getting him fired rather than the other way around." Nick noticed Kyle twisting something on his hand, obviously a nervous habit. He smiled as he asked, "I see you're married."

Kyle looked down at his hand and smiled as well. "Yeah, two years. We just bought a house out here because my wife's pregnant."

"Congratulations man," Nick said genuinely.

"Thanks," Kyle said. "Luckily I got a good job, my parents were kinda feaking out for a while."

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I know the feeling."

Kyle sighed slightly. "Okay, Langford apparently stole your file, so I don't have anything to go on here. I literally had just walked in when Captain Brass came and got me, so why don't you just tell me why exactly you're here."

"Fair enough," Nick said, feeling kind of bad for the guy because he was new and not exactly sure what to do. "I've basically been forced, but the real reason I guess is because two months ago, on my birthday, my wife Chelsea and daughter Jenna were killed in a car crash. I was driving, and obviously made it, but they didn't."

Kyle stared at him for a moment in disbelief. "I...wow. I'm sorry, I wish I had known so I would have been a little more prepared."

"Don't worry about it, it's not your fault."

Kyle took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So do you want to tell me what happened?"

Nick tried not to look at the scar on his arm out of the corner of his eye. "We were coming home from a movie and another car came into our lane when we were turning. The cars collided and ours flipped I guess, I don't remember. All I remember is the lights and then climbing out of the window and going to the other side and trying to get Chelsea out, but I passed out before I could. The doctors said they died in impact anyway and it wouldn't have mattered, but I think it might have."

"How old was your daughter?"

"Seven," Nick said.

Kyle appeared to be getting paler by the minute. "That's terrible, especially that you feel guilty for it."

"You don't think I should?" Nick asked.

Kyle shook his head. "I'm sure people have told you this before, but there was nothing you could have done. When things like this happen, it's human nature to replay it and think of all the things we could have done differently. In reality, none of those things would necessarily change anything because we weren't able to do them in the first place. It's like in the move The Time Machine. Alex builds the time machine to go back and save Emma, but he can't because he never would have built it in the first place if she hadn't died. You can't go into the past."

Nick shook his head. "I've known you for five minutes, and you've managed to say something that actually helps. That's truly amazing."

Kyle smiled slightly. "Glad to help."

"I just wish I would have never happened. There's not one reason why it should have happened. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason anyway, especially after this."

"That's normal," Kyle said. "There's hardly ever a reason justifying a tragedy. But the worst thing to do is wonder What If? Those two words will haunt you more than the actual event will."

Nick sighed heavily. "I just can't help it. I really miss them and I don't know what to do about it."

"I'm gonna be honest with you Nick, I don't know what to do about it either. But I can tell you one thing for sure, I'm gonna do whatever I have to to help you. I'll use every trick in the book and make up some of my own if I have to. It's probably going to take a long time and will hurt like hell, but I can help you if you want me to," Kyle said in total honesty.

Nick smiled and nodded his head slightly. "Sounds like a plan to me."

* * *

Kyle Walker was sitting at his new desk, now totally cleared off with nothing on it accept a few boxes of his things. His large office was empty, the shelves and table deserted. Normally, he would be looking around and admiring what a nice office he got, especially seeing as how it was his first job. This was like those therapist's offices on TV and in the movies that the best doctors have and look more like living rooms in a mansion than an office. But he wasn't paying attention to any of that because he had something else plaguing his mind.

Kyle was jolted from his thoughts when his door opened and the lab's special services director walked in with a smile on his face. Kyle stood and shook hands with Mr. Gaffney, who then sat down in the chair on the other side of Kyle's desk.

"Pretty weird first day," Gaffney said. "Sorry about just throwing you in here like this. We wouldn't have done it if we hadn't needed to."

Kyle waved his hand slightly. "It's okay, I think it went pretty well anyway."

"Yeah, Nick's a good guy," Gaffney replied. "He's been through a lot of stuff, and I feel bad that he has to do this against his will. But I'm sure you two will get along, Langford was a jackass and was no help to Nick at all."

"We got off to a good start," Kyle said.

Gaffney frowned slightly. "Is there a problem? You seem a little worried or freaked out or something."

Kyle shook his head. "There's no problem. I just really want to help him, but I can't figure out how. My job is to help people deal with their problems. So my job is to help this guy - who's not too much older than I am - deal with losing his wife and daughter on his birthday. It's not like there's something wrong with him that can be fixed, ya know?"

Gaffney nodded. "Yeah, it's gonna be tough. Normally I'd tell you not to get attached to your patients, but it's hard not to do that with Nick, and I can tell you already sort of have."

"Yeah, and I'm glad we did," Kyle said. "I really want to help him. But it's not like I can change what happened or make him just snap out of it. Anyway, I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna help him. One way or another, I will."


	9. For What It's Worth

Greg had never felt like such a selfish jerk in his entire life, and he techinically hadn't done anything yet. It wasn't what he had done that was bothering him, but what he was thinking. He was worrying over something that was miniscule compared to what Nick had been dealing with for the last six months. Greg sat in the break room, watching his friend work in the layout room across the hall. Nick was looking over some evidence, but it was clear that that's not where his mind was. Anyone who had known Nick before the accident could tell you how different he was just by looking at him once. He was as energetic as he usually was. His eyes were faded and he seemed washed out altogether. You could just tell by looking at his face that he was constantly thinking about what had happened.

And there was Greg, wishing that he could talk to his friend about something that was a big deal to him when said friend had lost something that was a big deal to him. Greg knew that Nick was the right person to talk to about it, but he didn't know how to do it now. He felt like such a jerk for wishing he could talk to Nick about it when it would benefit him more than his friend. But at the same time, he couldn't help it. He wasn't sure what to do and couldn't ask anyone else for fear of them beating him up for being a jackass.

Greg had been seeing his girlfiend, Julie, for over a year now. It hadn't been serious in the beginning, but now they were living together and Greg knew it was more than he had ever had before. He had never felt the way he did about anyone else, and didn't know what to do about it. He thought that she might be "the one," but didn't know how he was supposed to know for sure. He didn't have any older brothers or cousins he could ask, and his dad had never been too much of a help when it came to this kind of thing. Nick was the perfect person to talk to about it because Greg was close with Nick and he knew about this stuff. But now that Nick had lost Chelsea and Jenna, Greg didn't feel right asking him.

Greg sighed heavily and rubbed the back of his stiff neck. He felt like a stalker. He was sitting there, watching Nick, trying to think of a way to talk to him about his girlfriend. "What is wrong with me?" he said to himself as he covered his face in his hands.

"How much time do ya have for me to list them all out?"

If Greg hadn't recognized the voice, he would have never guessed that that comment had come from Nick. A year ago he would have known it was Nick, because that would have been a common thing to have come from the Texan, but not now after what had happened, which was more than understandable of course.

Greg looked up at his friend and smiled lamely. "How much time do ya need?"

"Too much," Nick said as he sat down at the table across from Greg. "What's up man?"

Greg knew Nick meant more than just in general. "Nothing."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Bullshit," he said simply.

Greg laughed. "Yeah, kinda. But don't worry about it, I got it."

"You never get anything G," Nick said jokingly.

Greg sighed. "This is true."

Nick nodded in agreement. "So what's wrong? Maybe I can help."

"That's the problem," Greg said. "I know you can help, I just don't feel right asking you about it, it's kind of a jackass move."

"I doubt that," Nick said. "You're not a jackass Greg, and if you want my help I'd be glad to help you in any way I can. You're my friend man."

Greg sighed. "If you say so," he muttered. "Okay, you know how I've been dating Julie for over a year now and we live together and all that, right?"

Nick faked a look of surprise and Greg laughed in relief a moment later. Nick smiled and became serious. "Yeah," he answered the rhetorical question.

"Well," Greg said, looking down at the table, unsure of exactly what to say. "I don't have anyone else I can ask about this because I don't have any brothers or anything, and I don't know how I'm supposed to know if she's 'the one' or whatever."

Greg chanced a look up at Nick, who was smiling slightly. Greg sighed in relief to himself, happy that Nick wasn't about to punch him in the face for bringing this up, considering what had happened to Nick. Greg saw that Nick was obviously okay with it, so he continued.

"I mean, how did you know Chelsea was it?" he asked carefully.

Nick didn't have to think of his answer, it was automatic. "Because all I wanted was for her to be happy. I would have died if it meant she would be happy."

Greg smiled slightly. "That's how I feel."

Nick nodded. "Then she's it man."

Greg shook his head slowly. "Please don't hate me for saying this, but I'm scared. After what happened to Catherine and then you with the people you loved...I don't know if I can risk it. I've always had trouble trusting people."

"You can't let that scare you," Nick said. "It scared me too, but being that happy with the person you love is worth the risk. I think it would have hurt worse if I had never been with Chelsea than it does now. It's hard to believe, but it's true."

"Is it getting any better?" Greg asked, genuinely concerned for Nick as everyone else was.

"It's hard to say," Nick replied. "Living in the same house without them around anymore...it's kinda like putting salt on an open wound. It stops the bleeding, but hurts like hell. And I don't know what else to do when they're all I can ever think about." Nick shook his head slightly. "But forget about me man, I'm fine. What are you gonna do?"

Greg shrugged. "I don't know. I'm afraid I'm rushing into it. It's probably a bad idea altogether."

"How are you ever gonna know for sure?" Nick asked.

"I won't I guess," Greg said.

"That's stupid and you know it," Nick retorted. "Don't let what happened to me ruin your life," Nick said. Before Greg could respond, Nick added, "I know that's part of it, and you don't have to feel bad about it. I feel bad that you see me like this and think it's gonna happen to you. It's not likely that it will Greg."

"I know," Greg said. "I'm just extremely nervous."

"That's a good thing," Nick said. "That means you care."

"Where you nervous?"

Nick laughed. "I was freaking out. But it was more than worth it."


End file.
